Holiday Gifts:

Looking Good on the Trail
You look 'marvelous'
By Robert "Just the Factoids" Burnson
posted Tuesday, December 12, 2006

All right, repeat after me. I, (your name), pledge this 2006 frenzied corporate-inspired holiday shopping season to buy only gifts that encourage people to get out there and skate!

Why? ... For lots of reasons!

For starters: We don't want to all turn into fat toads. If we do, as a result of global warming, we will likely go extinct by Easter.

And besides, the more we skate, the less we drive our big gas-guzzling SUVs (which, admittedly, are a must for our wilderness-like safaris to Costco.) And driving less may stave off extinction for another few months.

But what do you give that skater on your list that has more "tree appeal" than a set of greased bearings?

Here's our first gift suggestion: a jersey or jacket by Assos of Switzerland.

In case you are unfamiliar with Assos, it is the main reason there are more cyclists than skaters in the world. The company stubbornly insists on calling its jerseys and jackets "cycling wear," even though they are perfectly suited to skating. Corrupted by images of svelte-looking cyclists in Assos jerseys, millions of would-be skaters have bought bicycles instead!

Assos jerseys are so attractive that the person you give one to may find it hard to wrestle it from your acquisitive little hands.

If you do manage to "gift" one of these things to someone, expect them to do a lot of skating in 2007. Even if the temperature is 20-below on Dec. 26, they'll be eager to hit the trail so everyone will see just how stylish they are.

You ... I mean, your "loved one" ... won't only look fantastic in an Assos jersey, but will be wrapped up in the latest high-tech marvel of sports innovation. The Evo jerseys and jackets feature the latest breathable fabrics, ergonomic designs and integrated reflective stripes.

And best of all, they have pockets on the lower back where you can stash all your gear: water bottle, mp3 player, cell phone, GPS, power bars ... and maybe a little mirror so you can see just how marvelous you look.

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